The past three weeks I haven’t posted anything. Partly because I was not feeling well and had a lot going on (I’ve been in a bike accident, was stressed with uni, and had some “trouble” with friends), but also because I’m in sort of a writing slump. Recently it hit me that while my posts are usually quite alright, they lack something. They’re not edgy enough. I’ve always played it safe because I’m still too worried about what other people think.
I’m a very opinionated person and I definitely don’t hesitate to speak up about what I think or believe in, even at the expense of other people’s comfort. However, I still won’t dare to do that in my writing. I guess it is because I try to stay friendly and avoid offending anyone online as I won’t necessarily get to hear the readers’ reaction (unless they comment, of course) and can’t be sure I won’t be misunderstood. Also, I still struggle with opening up about myself – that is the real me with all my views, thoughts, fears, emotions. I sometimes wonder whether the majority of people around me actually know me? But maybe I’m making too big a deal out of it and everybody feels this way.
The first thing I did was to try and remember why I started this blog in the first place. There are several reasons: I love to write, I always loved reading what other people had to say and wanted to be a part of that community, I like talking about my interests and getting to meet people who are into the same things, it is a way to distract and occupy myself, and that I will always be able to look back on what I thought at this point in my life. Basically, I am doing this for myself and should, therefore, not waste my time worrying about whether anyone approves of what I write. That’s the whole point of blogging in fact. Of course, I’m always thrilled when I see that someone has read, liked, or commented on my blog!
But completely shutting off my brain and forgetting that anyone could read my blog is easier said than done. With honesty comes the risk of feeling vulnerable and exposed. being judged and hurt. But, at least for now, I’m willing to take that chance.
So, after having given it much thought, I’ve decided I do want to open up more. In real life and on my blog. Say what I really think. Stop analysing beforehand what others are going to/might say. Take more risks. That is not to say that I won’t write my usual posts about books, movies, and motivational stuff. I just don’t want them to be so bland anymore.
My next posts will show whether I managed to shed my doubts and find my own blogging voice.
Talent is helpful in writing, but guts are absolutely essential.