An Update

These past few months have been rather difficult for me. So much while at the same time so little has happened. I am unsure what my next steps will be which is thrilling but stressful.

I started this blog in October 2013. I was in my first semester at university and was absolutely excited about the next three years entertaining high hopes and aspirations. It’s weird to think that three years have passed already. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that my time at uni just flew me by. The opposite, in fact. It has at times even felt ‘dragged out’ and I thought it would never end. Now, as I am waiting for my very last grade and about to finish my degree, I’ve come to reflect on these past six semesters. Unfortunately, not much comes to mind. I do truly value my education and am grateful that I have had the opportunity to study at all but, if I am honest, it really has not been what I’d expected it would be those three years ago. What bothers me the most is that I seem to “have done so little”. I’m not entirely sure what I should have done differently. The whole experience, or maybe rather thinking about it, simply leaves me feeling empty.

I have indeed grown these past three years, found out things about me, became more self-aware and secure, more independent, more confident. Yet, I am still as clueless as to what I really want as I was then. Being almost done with uni obviously brings with it the typical questions as to what my plans for the future are. To be honest, there are none. No definite ones that is. I know that deep down I know what I want to do/can envision my next steps but I don’t feel ready to share all of that right now. I also think I should probably take my time to gather my thoughts and consider all my options. I’m definitely trying to make the next thing I take up be something I really care about.

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2016 has truly been a weird year. I’d say my worst. Despite the fact that I am graduating from uni, I struggle to really celebrate this “achievement” and be enthusiastic. I’ve been feeling down for most of this year and actually considered dropping out as I figured I’d never be able to finish my papers. Though I obviously did in the end I still am exhausted by all the negativity that I’ve been carrying around with me. Also, not wanting to sound trite but all that “has been going on in the world lately” really had an impact on my mood and general outlook. Brexit, Trump, the amount of brutal police shootings in the U.S., many European countries’ lack of interest in taking actual measures regarding Syria (they prefer demonizing refugees instead) were amongst the main ‘current issues’ that really dampened my spirits. I know that there are people by far more affected by any of these mentioned developments and I have to say the cynical side of me was not surprised by them; however, we’ve reached such lows, it’s mind-boggling.

I guess you can tell by now that my expectations regarding what’s about to come are not particularly optimistic. I am looking forward to somewhat figuring out what I want to do next, though. I’ve got plans for this blog as well (to post more regularly first and foremost :P) and another idea that has been on my mind for some time, which I’ll reveal in the next few weeks.

x,

Lauren

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