March Update

March Update

Once again it’s been two months since my last post in January. That is mainly due to the fact that after I’d returned from London I got really ill and struggled with getting better over a period of almost three weeks. Turns out I had a middle ear infection, for which I then had to take antibiotics and all that jazz.

London was amazing. It was the first time I’ve ever been abroad entirely on my own and I really enjoyed it. I met a lot of people; saw, did, and experienced things I might not have had I travelled with a friend. As it’s a bit over a month now since I’ve been back, I’m not sure whether I will write an entire blog post dedicated to my trip but I might.

Regarding what I’ve been up to the past few weeks: I’ve enrolled in an MA course in Literary and Cultural Studies that started this March, so I’ve been attending classes even though I am not planning on completing the degree. I still got my eyes set on going abroad; this is mainly to bridge the gap between now and when I will be able to set sail. Other than that I’ve been applying to jobs and internships. We will see where all of that will lead.

In terms of what I’ve been planning on writing for this blog: I’ve said this before but I am hoping to finally write more on literature and books. That had always been the original intention behind this blog. Somehow I seem to have favoured blogging about other things over the years, there’d been a lot of motivational posts and updates on how I was dealing with anxiety and feeling down. These have been fairly therapeutic to write and share but I don’t want to exclusively concentrate on such kind of topics. I am working on writing for this blog more regularly, whether I’ll succeed in doing so we will find out soon enough.

This is it from me for now – hopefully, I’ll be back sooner than later!

x,

Lauren


P.S. I mentioned in my last post that I started a new blog focusing on politics and current affairs – if you want, you can check out my latest post.

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My Plans for January

My Plans for January

Since my last post – written a bit over a month ago – quite a bit has changed/happened. Most importantly, my mood has been lifted since then and I am not as anxious or pessimistic about my future anymore.

At the beginning of this month I finally received my B.A. in English and American Studies. I still have no clue as to what exactly I will be doing next; right now I am trying to just take some time to figure everything out. Especially considering that I at times doubted that I would even graduate at all these past months, I am relieved more than anything ;) The pressure of getting everything done and not being able to keep to my writing schedule was really stressful, so I am thankful for this little break.

For the time being I’ve decided to work on my writing a bit more conscientiously and get my CV and other stuff I’ll need for applications in order. But before getting started with all of that, I’m going to take a vacation!! I’m flying to London, my favourite city, on Saturday and I’m already fairly excited :) Organising all there is to do was a bit tedious as I also caught a cold last week (it’s been between -6 to -10°C where I live…) but apart from that I’m psyched to go. I am planning on blogging a bit while I’m there, so there might be a little update on my London excursions soon enough!

Another thing I’d mentioned in my last post was that aside from the plans I had for this blog I was also toying with another idea. I’ve been wanting to start writing about politics and social issues for a while and as I want to focus more on literature, arts, film & TV on this blog (the odd random or personal post will definitely still pop up every now and then), I went ahead and created a new one to exclusively feature relating posts. My new blog was “launched” yesterday; so far only the introductory post is up but new posts are about to be uploaded soon. You can go check it out if you want: https://consciousthoughtbox.wordpress.com/

Anyways, that’s it from me for now.

x,

Lauren

 

An Update

These past few months have been rather difficult for me. So much while at the same time so little has happened. I am unsure what my next steps will be which is thrilling but stressful.

I started this blog in October 2013. I was in my first semester at university and was absolutely excited about the next three years entertaining high hopes and aspirations. It’s weird to think that three years have passed already. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that my time at uni just flew me by. The opposite, in fact. It has at times even felt ‘dragged out’ and I thought it would never end. Now, as I am waiting for my very last grade and about to finish my degree, I’ve come to reflect on these past six semesters. Unfortunately, not much comes to mind. I do truly value my education and am grateful that I have had the opportunity to study at all but, if I am honest, it really has not been what I’d expected it would be those three years ago. What bothers me the most is that I seem to “have done so little”. I’m not entirely sure what I should have done differently. The whole experience, or maybe rather thinking about it, simply leaves me feeling empty.

I have indeed grown these past three years, found out things about me, became more self-aware and secure, more independent, more confident. Yet, I am still as clueless as to what I really want as I was then. Being almost done with uni obviously brings with it the typical questions as to what my plans for the future are. To be honest, there are none. No definite ones that is. I know that deep down I know what I want to do/can envision my next steps but I don’t feel ready to share all of that right now. I also think I should probably take my time to gather my thoughts and consider all my options. I’m definitely trying to make the next thing I take up be something I really care about.

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2016 has truly been a weird year. I’d say my worst. Despite the fact that I am graduating from uni, I struggle to really celebrate this “achievement” and be enthusiastic. I’ve been feeling down for most of this year and actually considered dropping out as I figured I’d never be able to finish my papers. Though I obviously did in the end I still am exhausted by all the negativity that I’ve been carrying around with me. Also, not wanting to sound trite but all that “has been going on in the world lately” really had an impact on my mood and general outlook. Brexit, Trump, the amount of brutal police shootings in the U.S., many European countries’ lack of interest in taking actual measures regarding Syria (they prefer demonizing refugees instead) were amongst the main ‘current issues’ that really dampened my spirits. I know that there are people by far more affected by any of these mentioned developments and I have to say the cynical side of me was not surprised by them; however, we’ve reached such lows, it’s mind-boggling.

I guess you can tell by now that my expectations regarding what’s about to come are not particularly optimistic. I am looking forward to somewhat figuring out what I want to do next, though. I’ve got plans for this blog as well (to post more regularly first and foremost :P) and another idea that has been on my mind for some time, which I’ll reveal in the next few weeks.

x,

Lauren

When Do You Get to Call Yourself a Writer?

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That’s the question weighing on my mind lately: when does one get to call oneself a writer?

Recently, I’ve been following loads of people on WordPress and Twitter – young people about my age who already seem to have achieved so much more than me (writing-wise). A lot of them have already published articles and personal essays in various online and print magazines. This has lead me to contemplate my own writing which so far has gone by largely unread. Part of it is due to my own hesitation to share what I write. I feel like my writing is just not quite ‘there’ yet. But if no one ever gets to read what I write, aside from entries on this blog, can I really call myself a writer?

 

To be honest, I don’t ever actually call myself a writer. I always thought that was a distinction reserved for people who’ve actually had any of their work published. Is having been published the only determining factor though? Or maybe someone who religiously writes everday (which would also exclude me…) would qualify as well? I guess the simple wish to one day be an “established” writer isn’t enough…

After some further reflection, I realised, however, that I am not one to espouse elitist views, especially not when it comes to ‘the arts’. Writing is for oneself primarily. Sure, there are people who write for money, fame, recognition etc. but I believe most people with a passion for literature and writing would agree that the main “reason” they write is that it’s a perfect way to express oneself. To deal with life’s frustrations, to make sense of the rambling thoughts in your head, to cope with anxiety or depression, to create a world that’s wholly your own. And these experiences made when writing for oneself are just as valuable as are pieces printed in noteworthy publications.

 

For now though I doubt I’ll ever truly think of myself as a writer. I am too insecure and worried about style, originality, creativity, and authenticity. This doesn’t mean that I won’t ever get there eventually. So, until then, I will simply take solace in the fact that this is a struggle many writers(-to-be) face.

“[…] he had the vision necessary to write, but he needed to discover the method that could translate ethereal clouds of thought into written word”

quote on Jack Kerouac – one of my favourite authors – finding his writing style from Dennis McNally’s book Desolate Angel: Jack Kerouac, The Beat Generation, and America

Here I am again. I don’t know how many ‘blogging comebacks’ I’ve already had and quite frankly I wouldn’t want to know. I keep coming back to it though because I actually really love it. And once more I’ve told myself to be more driven and committed to my blog. Maybe I’ll keep it up this time, maybe I won’t. But for now the plan is to settle into some sort of routine and get back to posting more regularly.

Not much has happened since my last post. I’m in the midst of graduating from university – I finished my last semester in June and now I’m writing on my B.A. papers which isn’t exactly fun. Sometimes I wonder whether writing indeed is the career path I should pursue given that I do not enjoy writing papers for uni at all. As to what I want to do after graduation I have no clue whatsoever. I do have ideas of what I’d possibly like to do but still got a lot of figuring out to do.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to concentrating on blogging some more in the next few weeks. There are a lot of books I’ve recently read that I want to write about, maybe I’ll talk a bit more about what has happened with uni in the past months (*hint: lots of procrastination, one failed exam, many sleepless nights, demotivation, moments when I seriously considered dropping out*), or what my plans for the future are.

x,

Lauren

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Also, I failed to mention that this is what the typical “summer day” looked like for me this year

 

End of Summer

End of Summer

So, here we go again: Summer’s over. This means, among other things, going back to school. For me at least. This year will be intense as I’m going to be finished by the end of next term (if everything goes as planned). While I’ve been sort of looking forward to it over the break now that the new semester’s actually ringing in I’m not that motivated, to be honest. Still got some courses and exams to take but all in all the end is drawing near.

The past few weeks I’ve been mainly working and trying to enjoy the last few days of summer. On the weekend I’ve been to Bad Gastein (Austria), a once well-known and highly frequented health resort/spa town which could now be described as deteriorating with its closed-down shops, hotels, and casino. Situated quite removed at a pretty high altitude and scattered with semi-ruins of old grand houses, it has the romantic touch of an other-worldly place, or ghost town.

Next destination on that same daytrip was Zell am See, a lake town I’d never actually been to despite the fact that it’s in the same state as my hometown. I’ll just let the pics speak for themselves:

Enjoying one of the last pretty days of the year at the lake
Enjoying one of the last pretty days of the year at the lake

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As you might have guessed, this is just a quick rambling update of what’s going on with me at the moment. Lately I’ve been suffering from lack of inspiration – what to write and post about. I am working on it, though, so hopefully there’ll be new content soon!

Until then, have a good first week of October,

x Lauren

It’s my Birthday!!

It’s my Birthday!!

The day has come. I’ve officially left behind my teenage years and entered my twenties! I’m thrilled to say that I’m still excited about it all despite the past weeks of madness. As I’ve mentioned in one of my last post, I’ve had tons to write for uni term papers; on top of that I was caught up in the midst of changing jobs, which meant a lot of additional worki to get my hours together and job interviews. I was really struggling to keep up with everything and also missed pretty much all the deadlines I’ve set for myself. BUT I MANAGED (barely though!).

And now I can enjoy my summer break :)

Today was such a lovely day!! I saw and spoke to the people I love most, got to catch up with all my friends, it was nice weather, and, of course, lots of food!!

Highlights of the day:

1) Going out for breakfast with my parents

Started off the day with opening some presents and then going out for breakfast with my parents.

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my favourite summer perfumes :)
my favourite summer perfumes :)
My home town: Salzburg
My home town: Salzburg

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2) All the lovely messages

Throughout the day I was sent soo many sweet messages, got a call from my aunt and cousin in Jamaica, and skyped with one of my closest friends who’s currently living in the U.S. (and from whom I’ve got some really pretty things sent in the mail <3)

love this little gem sent by a friend ;)
love this little gem sent by a friend ;)

3) My Birthday Part(ies)

Despite my having finished the last thing I needed to write for Uni only one day before my birthday, already the whole weekend consisted of going out to celebrate. Tonight, as I’m leaving early tomorrow morning, I just went out to dinner with my friends but it was really nice as I haven’t seen some of them in such a long time!

So, to conclude, I definitely enjoyed today to the fullest and am excited to see what the future year holds. That is all from me (newly 20yo Lauren) for now. Hope you’re having a good day :)

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